Since my foot problems have intensified, one of the volunteer duties I've had to give up is the hospital ministry I did for several years. For this ministry, I was on rotation to take the Holy Eucharist to hospital patients. I would pick up my assignment sheet at the Pastoral Care office, proceed to the chapel to pray for my patients and then get the blessed Eucharist. I set out on my rounds, visiting the rooms on my assignment. It was a deeply rewarding ministry. Every time I was there, I experienced a particular patient, family member or incident that made me realize that there was a definite purpose for my being there on that particular day.
After introducing myself, I offered Catholic patients an opportunity to receive holy communion. Many had asked to be put on the communion list so, more often than not, patients accepted and appreciated the opportunity. Regardless of whether or not they received communion, I prayed with the family and offered prayers of healing for the patient. I ended with the prayers for distribution of the Eucharist. I was always touched by how grateful the people were; not only the patients but their family members, friends, and even their sitters.
Many times, when I determined that the elderly spouse or the parent of a small child rarely got to leave their patient's room, I would offer to confer the Eucharist to the family member as well. Patients often wanted nothing more than to have someone to talk with. This was especially true if they had come to our hospital from another city or country and felt as if their pastoral support and family had been left behind.
Of course, the foot problems were always amplified on the days I had Pastoral Care duties. Although I wore my most comfortable shoes, I tried to maintain the dress code that had been established for us. (So I definitely wasn't in sweat pants and old sneakers!) The ministry called for several consecutive hours of walking the long hospital halls and standing on my feet for extended periods of time; a combination that was certain to bring unbearable pain. Regardless of the day, the time or the footwear, it was always a very painful job for me. But the rewards certainly outweighed the pain.
I always believed that this was such a small sacrifice for me, despite the pain. I have foot pain; bad foot pain. So what? It's not a condition I will die from; nor is it one that involves major working organs that keep my body functioning. I prayed as I went though my assignment. God, please give me the fortitude, courage and pain resistance I need to get me through this day. I was so humbled by the experience and so fortunate to be able to perform this important spiritual mission that my pain was often pushed to the back of my mind.
During every visit, I somehow received a spiritual message regarding the "reason" I was there and how important this ministry is. Occasionally, I had the extreme privilege of giving communion to ordained religious individuals. In many cases, these members of the clergy were battling life-threatening diseases. Sometimes they had reached "end of life" situations. It was always very humbling to confer communion to these priests, religious brothers or nuns, especially knowing that in some cases, it could possibly be one of the last times they would receive the sacraments after giving their lives to Jesus Christ.
But eventually, I had to give up hospital ministry because of my feet. And I truly miss it. Of all the things I've had to give up, I would say this was the hardest. I enjoyed the ministry and the time I spent with patients. I am thoroughly convinced that it is a vital mission and one I hope to resume at some point. I believe that there was a "calling" attached to this privilege and if I can ever get my foot pain back to a tolerable level, I will definitely try to answer that calling again.
My next blog will impart a particular patient experience (one of many) and how strongly I was affected by my Pastoral Care Ministry experiences. Until I return, I continue to pray for the Pastoral Care ministers in all hospitals, and especially Our Lady of the Lake where I ministered.
Feels Like I'm Walking on Broken Glass!
Walking on, walking on broken glass!
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Friday, February 17, 2012
Refusing to Give In
It has taken me a long time to reach this point, but I've decided to return to Houston to see the orthopedic surgeon who performed my last and most successful foot surgeries. Although I'm not expecting that he can perform miracles, I hope he can find some way to help my most recent, recurring and very painful foot problems.
We will soon make the 300+ mile trip to the Texas Medical Center and my feet will become reacquainted with Dr. Braly, a man I had come to know well over the years that he performed surgeries on both feet and ankles from about 1989 to 1994. It's been almost 18 years since I saw him for the follow-up after my most recent foot surgery in June 1994. It will be interesting to see what he thinks about the current "state of affairs" with my aching feet.
When I saw the new doctor here in Baton Rouge a few months ago, I walked away with the opinion that he sees no easy solution to my current problems. He believes that, short of doing major surgery to fuse bones, there is nothing he can do to help the latest pains. Fusing the bones could possibly cause me to lose motion in that area and, in the end, may not help the pain. Not great odds; even for pains that keep my feet adorned with at least a dozen kinds of bandages. I won't even consider major surgery or fusing bones.
But the most obvious opinion I heard from him was how prolific he believed my foot surgeon had been. He pointed out on my x-rays how well the bones had healed and how well the precise "surgical sites" looked. He seemed amazed at the appearance of the x-rays in the places where the surgeon had performed his craft. It was encouraging to hear this surgeon praise the work of my previous surgeon so extensively. He explained how sorry he was that the nerve damage remained from the neuroma excisions, but made it clear that the structural formation looked great. The pain, it seems, is due to the manner in which my weight distributes when I walk. I naturally step away from the painful areas. As I said before, "the surgery was a success but the patient died."
Obviously, after I saw the new doctor, the problems continued and the array of bandages became more varied. I still get painful callouses and then blisters form around the callouses. The spot where the right bunion once was, has become a painful point of contention. When pain hits the spot where the pin was placed, it is excruciating! And it only takes something as simple as a pair of flats or a closed toe shoe that hits the bunion spot in just the wrong way. The pain is immediate and unbearable.
My research 20 years ago led me to Dr. Braly and, at the time, I determined that he was the best. I accepted that my pain continued simply because it was meant to be. I never believed it was his fault or the fault of anything he had done or not done. At the time, he told me that the particular combination of problems I had was perhaps one of a kind in the world. In fact, his research has shown that I was one of only four with one set of problems, one of two with another. That's me . . . one of a kind.
Since I definitely don't want big surgery, what am I hoping for? Well, I'll have to have the expert look at it but I believe if he can snip a tendon or connecting tissue that's making the big tow lean and ultimately making the painful bunion spot stick up, maybe that would help. Strap me into a boot and let it heal. Now, that's my simple solution, but let's see what my doctor has to say. If HE has no solution, then I will continue with the bandages and toe separators.
This is definitely NOT the way I want to be listed in the World Book of Records. But it is what it is. I pray that Dr. Braly will take a look and know exactly what to do to make it better. I hope he can take some of the broken glass away!
After all these years, I still refuse to believe that with all the technology that has come along in the world, someone like me can be forced to accept the fact that a four-square-inch segment of my body can control my life and cause so much pain. I once told my doctor "they only hurt when I stand on them or walk on them." But isn't that what feet are for?
We will soon make the 300+ mile trip to the Texas Medical Center and my feet will become reacquainted with Dr. Braly, a man I had come to know well over the years that he performed surgeries on both feet and ankles from about 1989 to 1994. It's been almost 18 years since I saw him for the follow-up after my most recent foot surgery in June 1994. It will be interesting to see what he thinks about the current "state of affairs" with my aching feet.
When I saw the new doctor here in Baton Rouge a few months ago, I walked away with the opinion that he sees no easy solution to my current problems. He believes that, short of doing major surgery to fuse bones, there is nothing he can do to help the latest pains. Fusing the bones could possibly cause me to lose motion in that area and, in the end, may not help the pain. Not great odds; even for pains that keep my feet adorned with at least a dozen kinds of bandages. I won't even consider major surgery or fusing bones.
But the most obvious opinion I heard from him was how prolific he believed my foot surgeon had been. He pointed out on my x-rays how well the bones had healed and how well the precise "surgical sites" looked. He seemed amazed at the appearance of the x-rays in the places where the surgeon had performed his craft. It was encouraging to hear this surgeon praise the work of my previous surgeon so extensively. He explained how sorry he was that the nerve damage remained from the neuroma excisions, but made it clear that the structural formation looked great. The pain, it seems, is due to the manner in which my weight distributes when I walk. I naturally step away from the painful areas. As I said before, "the surgery was a success but the patient died."
Obviously, after I saw the new doctor, the problems continued and the array of bandages became more varied. I still get painful callouses and then blisters form around the callouses. The spot where the right bunion once was, has become a painful point of contention. When pain hits the spot where the pin was placed, it is excruciating! And it only takes something as simple as a pair of flats or a closed toe shoe that hits the bunion spot in just the wrong way. The pain is immediate and unbearable.
My research 20 years ago led me to Dr. Braly and, at the time, I determined that he was the best. I accepted that my pain continued simply because it was meant to be. I never believed it was his fault or the fault of anything he had done or not done. At the time, he told me that the particular combination of problems I had was perhaps one of a kind in the world. In fact, his research has shown that I was one of only four with one set of problems, one of two with another. That's me . . . one of a kind.
Since I definitely don't want big surgery, what am I hoping for? Well, I'll have to have the expert look at it but I believe if he can snip a tendon or connecting tissue that's making the big tow lean and ultimately making the painful bunion spot stick up, maybe that would help. Strap me into a boot and let it heal. Now, that's my simple solution, but let's see what my doctor has to say. If HE has no solution, then I will continue with the bandages and toe separators.
This is definitely NOT the way I want to be listed in the World Book of Records. But it is what it is. I pray that Dr. Braly will take a look and know exactly what to do to make it better. I hope he can take some of the broken glass away!
After all these years, I still refuse to believe that with all the technology that has come along in the world, someone like me can be forced to accept the fact that a four-square-inch segment of my body can control my life and cause so much pain. I once told my doctor "they only hurt when I stand on them or walk on them." But isn't that what feet are for?
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